Attention-giving

A few days ago, V made the comment to me that she's not ready for us to have a baby, because she isn't ready to not be the center of my attention. It was a silly comment, but the more I've thought about it, the more right it is.

Even taking out the part where I like my sleep too much, and the ability to visit our old hometown without planning out where to sleep until the day before, and not always worrying about actually eating a meal - all of which are very valid reasons for me to not have a baby right now - it's also true that I want to be able to give her my focus, help her with her first year of teaching, run out to Starbucks for a chai latte on a moment's notice, snuggle in bed on the mornings she doesn't have to get up early.

After all we've come through to be together, I've vowed over and over to myself to not ever take her for granted. And while one day, us having a baby will be the perfect expression of what our love has created, for the present, I'm still too busy treasuring the fact that I went out and did that crazy thing called marrying a girl.

But not just any girl. One I want to pin all my attention and affection on for a good while yet.

On the hunt

Eli's mom reduced my hours recently, which was somewhat expected and I'm honestly grateful for. We both felt like it was too much: I was hanging around the house while she was there, and she was missing time with her baby. That puts me back on the job hunt, to find something else to go along with still watching him.

I actually have a couple of fairly good prospects, tangentially related to childcare without me actually caring for children. At first, I was overwhelmed again - it seems like every time I turn around, I'm needing to find different employment. But I'm forcing myself to not take the easy way out and look for another family (and yes, I'm aware that it isn't easy work, but for me, it is somewhat of a copout); instead, I'm trying to be a little more grown up and work for a company. But only the right kind.

What's really nice about all this? V has been teaching for a month and a half, and she gets paid for it! I have more flexibility in what I want to look for, and much less pressure to earn all the incomes immediately.

As always, stay tuned.