Friday, August 31, 2012


  • Patrick, Lilly, and I met their parents at the preschool the twins will be starting at, and we met the teachers, saw the room, and generally got a little more comfortable. I'm interested to see how they do once we leave them, but they're pretty okay so far.
  • V and I took our first "pole fitness" class. Yes, it was fitness, but the name still makes me laugh. Stripper classes, here I come! It was fun, though. My shoulders hurt.
  • We're going to the Renaissance Faire tomorrow, even though there's an 80% chance of rain. We'll be wet wenches, I suppose.
  • I'm trying to find something to do (that pays) on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday afternoons, since I will now be done work by 12:30. Hope that works out, as...we kinda need it to.
  • My new favorite phrase is "electric asteroid full of tigers," thanks to Sierra. There's actually serious commentary behind it: go read her take on gender martyrdom.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012


I just happened to realize it was August (well, not for the first time in the past four weeks), and checked the date of my first post: August 28, 2010. Quelle coincidence.

Happy anniversary to me! I've definitely slacked off this year, but I think that's okay. I'm still yammering away, anyway.

Glad you're all here with me, whoever "you all" happens to encompass!


I feel like most parents are generally concerned about knowing where their child is at all times. I definitely like to know the vicinity in which Patrick and Lilly are playing, but what I find more important is knowing that they know my location.

If we get separated, I have a lot more tools at my disposal to find them, then they do to find me. Being more than three feet tall, for instance, and not consistently walking into people (cough-Lilly-cough).

We went to the children's museum today, and I generally let them have the run of the place - though they always stick in one area at a time, and we all move on together (mutual unspoken agreement, I guess). When we got to a new area (the balls, the kids' town, the water), I would pick a spot to sit down, and verbalize to them, "I'm going to sit right here." They may then get out of my sight, but they know where to find me.

I do the same thing at a playground. We all walk over to a table or bench or something remotely comfortable, I set my things down, tell the kids that's where I'll be, and then they run off and play. It lets me not freak out when I can't see them. It gives them assurance that they can get to me whenever they need to.

Think about it: adults seem to always know where kids are, but the kids don't necessarily have that same assurance. I'd hate to be a kid and have to hunt around, even a little bit. My two just backtrack to where they left me, and I'm sitting right there, doing a crossword puzzle or something.

It lets me feel secure about them, and relax in peace. Win!

Saturday, August 25, 2012


It's not often that I can post pictures, but I just loaded the ones from my (very not smart-) phone onto the computer, and I take a lot of pictures of the kids from the back. So, enjoy a few!

Patrick feeding the ducks
Me getting astronomically better at braiding Lilly's hair
One of my favorites. L-R: Danielle, Lilly, Laura
And for bonus fun, what happens when you bring home a random dollhouse to paint...

Calcifer (in it) and Mei Mei (skulking by)
Lottie (sorry for the sideways)

Thursday, August 23, 2012


Lately, I've been in conversations with two good friends of mine, each of whom is concerned about their marriages (to other people, not each other). One wants desperately to fix what's broken and try again. One wants the freedom that comes with being alone. Both are heart-wrenching in their own ways.

V and I have a good thing going. Honestly, I don't know how. Part of it is that she can be an angel (and also sometimes a doormat, which I have to warn her against). Part of it is that we learned early on how to communicate. We were born in a fire, of secrecy and risk and other lovers and more external pressure than anyone should have. It's a near miracle we made it through; now, it's become the foundation that we know we won't break.

Some people are made for monogamy. Some for more open relationships. Some for partner-less-ness. All of that is fine. It just hurts to watch the growing pains of people finding what they need. Of people accidentally getting hurt in the process. Of people not knowing how to communicate, and digging their hole deeper.

I never want to stop appreciating what I have. Appreciating the emails that start, "I don't really want to tell you this, but..." Appreciating the trust that enables me to say, "I'm broken, again, for the millionth time, and I need you." Appreciating that I can tell her, "I'm a mess; get out of here and save yourself," and her response is to roll her eyes and say, "You've tried that before. It didn't work. I'm still here."

To those out there who are struggling: My heart hurts for you. I'm so sorry for the difficulties in life. I want to help.
To those out there who are on surer footing: Never stop being grateful. What you have is a gift.


Real thoughts are coming later, but for now, I present you with Children who Want to Play with Their Friends:

Lilly: Can we go play with Laura and Danielle?
Me: No, because you both have a cold. You're doing a lot of coughing and sneezing, and we don't want to get them sick.
Patrick: I think I'm going to be all done coughing now.

Patrick: Can Laura and Danielle come with us to the nature center?
Me: I asked their mom, but Laura had a little fever yesterday. She got a tiny bit sick.
Patrick: Well...she could just sit on a bench.
Me: That doesn't sound very fun for her.
Patrick: Um, she could sit on your lap?

Points for persistence, kids, but sorry. Maybe next week.

Sunday, August 19, 2012


Thursday to the zoo
Friday to V's parents
Saturday to where my cousin's wedding was
Sunday at the wedding and back to V's parents
Tomorrow, driving home

It's been good, though. My extended family has been lots of fun; it's been probably five years since I've seen most of them. A small phone conversation, while we were trying to meet up with some cousins for dinner, involved the line: "Well, there's six irresponsible 30-somethings in a Yaris, who've been drinking for a few hours."

That was a slight exaggeration, but yes. It was quite a fun evening. The wedding today was busy and chaotic and enjoyable and high-energy. Bride and groom looked great, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, and V did an awesome job catching it all on film. (Metaphorical film. It's a DSLR.)

And my family never batted an eye. Sure, I know most of them do disagree with us, but everyone was friendly, and welcoming, and excited to see both of us.

Plus, I got to corral people for pictures, which means I got to play wedding coordinator, which I love!
(Now to get home tomorrow and return to normal (also busy) life on Tuesday.)

Wednesday, August 15, 2012


Things are evening out better now.

My new mantra is "they aren't my kids, they aren't my kids."
Their parents absurdly want them home by 2, when they don't go to sleep then, and nap shifts to after 3 in a few weeks? Fine.
They're on a ridiculous sleep cycle that I don't think is healthy for them? Fine.
Their birthday party is a day when their parents know I'm out of town? Fine.

I have to care for them within the constraints. It doesn't matter if I think the constraints are a piece of shit. They aren't my kids. I can do things differently; nothing is going on that's endangering their lives.

Somehow, I've managed to scale myself back emotionally. I'm still finding a balance between shutting down entirely, and where I was. I easily cut out emotionally, especially when I know I'm going to lose something/someone in the future. But I think, in this instance, I might be handling it more neutrally.

I love those kids. But I'm stealing a little bit of my heart back, because they'd run off with too much of it.

Stay tuned.

Monday, August 13, 2012



I'm trying to do a locked post, for the first time.
Email me for the password:
(Or, for those that know me, facebook or texting works too.)

Sunday, August 12, 2012


Sundays have turned into our lazy, clean the house, don't leave the house days.
That's so much nicer than when they were church days. (V and I have both commented on how Sunday mornings were always the worst growing up, with everyone in terrible moods and rushing around and fighting.)

Baby Paisley, who is almost 2 now, has a new brother! That means I have an excuse to go baby shopping, just a bit.

V and I are both avoiding the litter boxes. The rest of the to-do list is coming along nicely, though. I really want to reorganize the craft room, but it has to wait until we're done the real stuff. Like litter.

Oh, and my puzzle. Of course it's not on the list, but that doesn't mean I'm not thinking about it! I love puzzles.

Friday, August 10, 2012


Patrick lied to me today, deliberately, for the first time. We were at the playground with friends, and he bumped into baby Kali. (I still call her a baby. She's 16 months old.) I asked him if he did (I'd just seen him run by, and then her fall), and he refused to answer. When I pressed him, he finally, slowly, said "No."

I asked Kali's mother, who'd had a clear line of sight. Oh yes he did.

We had a long talk about how if he'd just said yes, I would've asked him to apologize, and that would be the end of it. But now, since he didn't tell me the truth, he had to sit time out while the rest of his friends played.

He was unhappy. Of course, so was I!

In random cute news, as we were going to their last nature class on Wednesday, Patrick asked why it was the last one. Lilly put on her best "oh dummy" voice, though unintentionally, I think, and said, "Because, we're going to start preschool." Yes, yes you are.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


I haven't been posting much, I know. It's been a stressful week with Patrick and Lilly's parents, as I'm trying to get two days off, and they're less than thrilled. Aside from my wedding, honeymoon, and anniversary, I'm not sure I've asked for more than two or three days off in the two years I've been working for them.

Plus, there are a lot of double standards, where they want me to get the kids home by 2, which is their technical naptime, but their mom has no problem signing them up for classes that run until 2:30 and we aren't home until 3. So she can fuck with their schedule, but I can't stay late at a playdate where the kids are having fun?

It's really frustrating. So naturally, I don't feel like sitting and writing about it. Even though I just have.

V starts her internship this week. Next weekend, we're off to visit her parents briefly and then go to my cousin's wedding, given that I think I finally actually have Friday and Monday off.

I should probably not be sitting and brooding this much, and I should be writing instead. What do you all want me to talk about, hm? Toss me some questions to get my brain somewhere else!

Sunday, August 5, 2012


Confession: dancing on Friday night was a lot of fun.

The whole weekend was wonderful. We ordered room service for breakfast yesterday, a first for both of us. Dinner last night and lunch today were both amazing meals. Everything we did was just awesome.

I managed to not even think about money the whole weekend. Yes, we probably spent more than we should've, but somehow I pushed the stress away and simply enjoyed the weekend.

So far I feel rejuvenated, instead of the vacation crash that I frequently get. We're home now. Back with our (three!) kitties. Back to work tomorrow, while V finishes editing photoshoots, writes for her last summer class, and gets ready to start her internship.

I think I can do this week ahead. I feel rested. Fancy king-size beds will do that to you!

Thursday, August 2, 2012


We're heading off for the weekend on V's birthday trip. I'm so looking forward to staying in a hotel, going out to eat, watching too much TV, and, oh yeah, she wants to go dancing tomorrow.

As I told Seth and Isabella's mom earlier today, "Can't I just watch?" V looks killer when she dances. I... prefer to stay on the sidelines.

She either needs to bring the pregame hard, or something. I'm nervous.

The rest of the weekend should be great! And I'm glad we'll be able to spend quality time with each other, and not think (too much) about master's theses or photo editing or damn cats.

But I should pack at some point. What on earth am I going to wear to a club?!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012


I found out yesterday that the twins' mom wants to schedule their birthday party for October 6. V and I are out of town that day at a friend's wedding. I'm crushed.

They're having a gymnastics party... So I maaay have mentioned to their gym teacher this morning that if someone else happened to book the 6th, that would be awesome. We'll see.

I just can't miss their party. I can't!

Both of them told me today that they want cakes with lots of color princesses on top. I'm curious to see how that one plays out.