Sunday, September 11, 2011

Marital bliss

A cousin of mine got married yesterday.  She and I are the closest in age of roughly three dozen cousins; she's six months older than I am.  I wrote the beginning of this sad tale back in April.

The pictures are starting to crop up on Facebook now.  I'm about in tears, again.  The reception looks like so much fun; so many extended family members that I never get to see are there.  Are they still my family members?  I honestly don't even know.

People are writing on my cousin's Facebook wall how much their bond has been a blessing, how they have been awesomely used by God and will continue to be, and on how two people cannot possibly be a perfect for each other and full of love as they are.  And I think,

How can they be so perfect and full of love, when the very act they are celebrating is one they explicitly made exclusive and discriminatory?

Right now, I don't want to hear about personal beliefs, and religious preferences.  I don't want to hear about how they still love me, even though they don't believe my marriage is valid in the eyes of God.

I want to know how love can be perfect, when it closes the door to others.
I want to know how they can be a shining example of God's love, when she shut the door in my face.
(I know it's not all about me.  This is different.)
I want to know why she gets a giant family wedding, and I might've had ten people, if I was lucky.
I want to know why her love is sanctioned, and mine is not.
I want to know how people can live with themselves, in their happy little bubbles, and not see that their arbitrary and unnatural distinctions actually impact real people's lives.
I want to know why this still hurts.
I want to know if it will ever go away.


  1. Hugs. I'm so sorry, Lina. Your love is beautiful and has been sanctioned by so many people who love you and your wife. I'm sorry that you have to experience this pain and see how unfair people can be. You're right, it is not fair that one person's marriage is valid and another's is not for no legitimate reason. I hope for you that the pain does go away, but know that this pain is the kind that changes other people because we see it and try to make the world a better place for the people we encounter that have to suffer through the same trials. Nothing you go through is for no reason and I really do believe that, sooner or later, your family will see our truth and regret their actions. Even if they do not, you are not unloved.

  2. Lina, I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Unfortunately, many people are ultimately afraid of difference. Most likely, they do love you very much but they are afraid that if they are accepting, then they will be judged as wrong by their friends, other family members, their religious community, etc. They do not want to be shunned like they are shunning you. It is completely wrong, unfair, and definitely not an example of "perfect love". One day, gay marriage will be at least legally recognized. Your family will come around or they won't. You know that you have a "real" marriage. I know it hurts when family lets you down, but remember that they are the ones with the problem, not you. Bask in the love of your new family - the one you are building with your wife.