A cousin of mine got married yesterday. She and I are the closest in age of roughly three dozen cousins; she's six months older than I am. I wrote the beginning of this sad tale back in April.
The pictures are starting to crop up on Facebook now. I'm about in tears, again. The reception looks like so much fun; so many extended family members that I never get to see are there. Are they still my family members? I honestly don't even know.
People are writing on my cousin's Facebook wall how much their bond has been a blessing, how they have been awesomely used by God and will continue to be, and on how two people cannot possibly be a perfect for each other and full of love as they are. And I think,
How can they be so perfect and full of love, when the very act they are celebrating is one they explicitly made exclusive and discriminatory?
Right now, I don't want to hear about personal beliefs, and religious preferences. I don't want to hear about how they still love me, even though they don't believe my marriage is valid in the eyes of God.
I want to know how love can be perfect, when it closes the door to others.
I want to know how they can be a shining example of God's love, when she shut the door in my face.
(I know it's not all about me. This is different.)
I want to know why she gets a giant family wedding, and I might've had ten people, if I was lucky.
I want to know why her love is sanctioned, and mine is not.
I want to know how people can live with themselves, in their happy little bubbles, and not see that their arbitrary and unnatural distinctions actually impact real people's lives.
I want to know why this still hurts.
I want to know if it will ever go away.