Wednesday, September 26, 2012


Way back in the beginning of this blog, I discussed my thoughts on the term 'lesbian' and how I was uncomfortable with summing myself up that way in my blog tagline. I'm certainly more accustomed to it now, though it still doesn't reflect me 100% - though I doubt anything that could fit in a tagline could ever fully portray an individual.

That said, I'm content with it. It's a nice, brief summary of the ideas about which I write. Where it makes me laugh, though, is the fact that I'm not really a lesbian. Not in the "only and ever girls" sense. I rely heavily on the Kinsey scale and the idea of a continuum of sexuality (and yes, I know there are much better links than wikipedia, but that's all I have energy for).

How does this tie into childcare? A Monday afternoon playgroup has formed, somewhat by accident, consisting of Laura and Danielle, their friend and her younger brother, Rainbow Dash, and Patrick and Lilly. The three moms and I were chatting while the kids played, and we ended up on the topic of what's attractive in guys. I could honestly take part in that conversation, thinking back to high school, thinking of even now what I think is cute.

Yes, I take pride in my wife. I love who I've become because of her. But sometimes, it's nice to have a "normal" conversation, and I'm glad for my continuum, and knowing that it's okay to think about guys, about girls, about whomever, without having to have a crisis on whether that actually means I'm bi, or if I'm being true to my sudden lesbian heritage, or anything like that.

Besides, then I get in on great conversations with lines like this from Laura and Danielle's mom- "I told him [now-husband] that I almost didn't date him because he's short. He said that's fine, because he almost didn't date me because I was a bitch."

Sunday, September 23, 2012


Seth and Isabella, whom I've known for two years, are moving sometime in the next few months. Their mom told me when I was over there on Thursday; I didn't cry, but boy did that put a damper on my life.  She's been one of my closer mom-friends, and the kids are awesome--exhausting, but awesome. Their dad has a wonderful job offer, so they're taking it for a few years, and then hopefully will come back (though who knows if we'll be here by then).

Seth was 3 when I first met him; now he's in kindergarten, reading, and will play Sorry! or Trouble endlessly.
Isabella was 1; now she has a big-girl bed, is in her second year of preschool, and loves Star Wars just like her brother.

I have so many memories with the whole family. They were the first people to get us a wedding present, and their mom and I have had so many wonderful conversations. The kids sing, all the time. They're adorable and super smart. And, of course, they're the source of what is still my favorite kid story to tell.

I'm going to miss the hell out of them.


Patrick, nine days away from turning four
Lilly, nine days away from turning four
Bug, three and a half
Andrew, twenty months

One ball pit, approximately three by five
The older three, in one bathtub, approximately two by four
Bug: "I'm going to tell mommy I have new friends!"

Last night was utterly exhausting. And so much fun.

Friday, September 21, 2012


1. My sinuses have been giving me hell all week, and it keeps getting worse.
2. It's been one of the busier weeks in recent history, and culminates in an overnight this weekend with extra kids added in.
3. I'm exhausted (see 1 and 2).
4. I got some sad news that I need to share in the next day or two.
5. I've been running late to work every day, and don't seem to have time after work either.

But still, I will have an honest-to-goodness updates here soon. Sad news to share, and then four-year-old's thoughts on dying and heaven.

Monday, September 17, 2012


Lilly gave me a nice little preview today of what she'll be like ten years from now. She had a pretend phone, and was making a frustrated "ugh!" noise.
"Ugh, my mom is texting me again!"

Yep, I can see her now, at fourteen, saying the exact same thing, with the exact same intonation.

Sunday, September 16, 2012


It's strange for me to not have updated for five days. V and I had a friend visiting, so we've been eating at all sorts of delicious local restaurants and poking into shops downtown.

I pulled out a fall shirt to wear today, which I haven't worn in months (obviously), and I'm wondering if something on it irritated me. I have small bumps on my back which are burning; I took a benadryl, so now I'm exhausted. Plus I have what I think is a sinus headache?

Not an auspicious start to a week that's shaping up to be as busy as last week. But it seems like, if we can make it to next Sunday, life will settle down. Just too many deadlines between now and then.

I'm going to go find the face of the earth so I can drop off it again.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


I'm watching Kali, now seventeen months, imitate V's downward dog, and then drag a plastic golf club across the floor.

She's stacking cups and knocking them down.

She's pouring water from one cup to another in the bathtub, grinning at me, and then dumping it on herself.

"MaMA, and DaDDY!"

Now V is balancing her on one knee while they point to pictures of family members and say their names.

I'm in love with this baby, still.
I'm in love with this wife, still.

Little substance here, today. Just me watching, loving, and smelling the baby shampoo on my fingers.

Sunday, September 9, 2012


V and I went hiking yesterday, first time in a long time. We set out on a well-marked, three mile loop in a nearby state park, and about two and a half hours later, had been thoroughly lost, surrounded by no markings, and broke out of the woods onto a road.

We recognized the road, thankfully; we'd driven it on our way to the park. It wasn't very close to the park entrance, either. To be exact, it was four and a half miles from where our car was parked.

We were very tired. We are still incredibly sore. I will not have the desire to hike for a long, long time.

You know what's nice, though? Not extrapolating Christian metaphors out of the experience. No "we chose our own path" or "God never said the road would be easy but he promised us rest" or "relying on him will always bring us home eventually."

Nope, just we got &#*@ lost on a poorly-marked trail and are never *#^%$ going hiking again.

Friday, September 7, 2012


When I dropped the kids off at preschool on Tuesday, their mom met us there, so I hung back.
Yesterday, it was all me.

We walked in, I helped them hang up their backpacks, asked them what they were going to start playing with, and then hugged and kissed each one.

As I turned to Patrick, after hugging Lilly, I noticed her turn her back to me. After I hugged him and stood up, I saw that she'd shoved her fists into her eyes, her face bright red, tears dotting her cheeks.

Break my heart.
I know they'll come to enjoy it, but that moment still sliced right through me. Patrick walked into that classroom like he was walking to his execution. Lilly wouldn't cry and carry on - she probably knows she'd get nothing that way - so she took her little almost-four-year-old pain and sorrow and tried to hide.

Break my heart.
Next week will be better.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012


Apparently the first day of preschool went "okay" according to the kids. They aren't all that excited to return tomorrow, but I'm sure in a week or two, they'll be friends with the kids in their class, and I'll get a break from "Can we play with Laura and Danielle today?"

If it's not Laura and Danielle, it's Rainbow Dash - their newest friend. And yes, Rainbow Dash is what she calls herself. She's three and a half, and she and her mom (Pinkie Pie) and her little brother, who's nine months (I can't remember his nickname; their dad is Applejack) have been hanging out with us. RD had a gymnastics class with the kids, and now we go to parks, the children's museum, and playdates at her house (she has a pool!).

Her mom is a lot of fun: swears (around the baby, but not the daughter), rants, laughs, and generally is entertaining to hang out with. And - the exact opposite of Patrick and Lilly's parents - she really just accepts germs and dirt, and knows her kids aren't going to die. It's a relief.

We spent three hours at the children's museum today with them, and we're all going to the wonderful new playground/splash area downtown on Friday.

It'll give the kids something to look forward to, during the long dark hours (all two of them) of preschool tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012


At the risk of harping on a dead horse (like how I combined metaphors there?), I have to share an image from today.

I got the kids up, got them dressed in the clothes their mom had picked out for their first day of school, fed them breakfast, dealt with Lilly's tantrum, did puzzles, played games, washed their dishes, made their lunch, fed them lunch, got them into the van on time, parked at preschool...

...where they hopped out of the van, ran into mommy's arms, and she walked them into school. I was right behind them, but still.

One day, I'll be able to do this on my own. This isn't my time.
I know this.
I'm okay, truly. The image just struck me, a little painfully.

Monday, September 3, 2012


V and I looked through my baby name book last night, just for fun. Boys' names are hard to come up with! Well, ones we like, anyway. V's brother already claimed an old family name that I don't mind, so that's out, as we don't want cousins with the same name.

Speaking of names, congrats to A and T on the arrival of Everleigh Jane! Best of luck in new-mommy-land, both of you.

Me, I guess I'll just stick to naming cats. Adorably, V's last name starts with L, so we now have the super cute "Little Lottie L---" running around. She hasn't learned her name yet; we'll see if she learns Lottie, Latke, or Ginger first. Right now she's busy tearing up our rug.

V and I stayed in the house for about 46 hours straight over this past weekend. It felt heavenly.

Patrick and Lilly start preschool tomorrow!!