2 girls + X = baby

I probably shouldn't be tired of the "Do you know how you'll try to conceive?" question yet, given that we haven't even started and already I've been asked more than a few times. Of course, by the time we've started trying, the answer will be much more set (and rather ongoing). For now, nothing is settled; there's just an ideal world in which I get pregnant quickly.

Yes, definitely I. I've been wanting to be pregnant and have a baby for years, and V isn't entirely sure how she feels about the small-person-growing-inside-your-body deal. I'm more than happy to carry and labor; I'd probably ask if we could try to get pregnant tomorrow except that I've promised we'll be married first.

Honestly, we'd like to use a known donor. It's simpler (in some ways), cheaper, and would keep the baby's biological father in the picture. Obviously the hitch there is knowing a donor, and that's something we haven't addressed beyond tossing ideas at each other. Best case scenario? We have a wonderful friend who is more than willing, and I get pregnant on the first try.

How do I feel about all this? Uncertain. Very certain about having a baby, no doubt. Very certain about raising that baby with V. But still a little weirded out by the fact that half of the baby's genes will be from someone totally unrelated to us. I grew up with the "couple falls in love, couple marries, couple makes baby" mindset, and this just seems strange.

I try not to think about the argument my brain occasionally poses, that if V's and my relationship were "natural," we would be able to conceive (or at least legitimately try) together. I love her, I want a baby with her, and this is the way to do it. So be it. Maybe I'll get more comfortable as it gets closer. Maybe not. But I'll do anything for a baby, and a good friend's "contribution" is as good a scenario as any, barring miraculous V-and-I conception.

(See? This isn't something I could have dictated.)

Attempts

This is weird.

I'm not sure I can do this.

I'm going to be done before not too long.

---

This is V, over at Synthesis Searching, otherwise known as the girlfriend. Lina is finishing up a puzzle, but wanting to finish her puzzle and make a blog post, I offered to let her dictate a post to me. The above is what began as the dictation. It didn't get very far. And it's full of subtext.

So, enjoy her scattered thoughts while she realizes that she thinks while she types, not talks.

Party girls

You know how in the Nutcracker, Clara is upstairs while her parents have the party downstairs? Okay, maybe it's not the Nutcracker (I haven't seen that in years), but it's definitely a theme in various old stories. I thought it was an old sort of theme.

Apparently not. Last night, my job was to keep the kids happy upstairs, while the adults "played" (the twins' mom's wording) downstairs. It was probably the only moment in that nursery I would have described as "classy," simply because I was the nanny with the children, and there was a Christmas party going on. It felt like I was in some hundred-year-old tale.

Of course, various parental coworkers and relatives came and camped out in the nursery. That was the more frustrating part. For awhile, I had two additional two-year-olds, plus Patrick and Lilly - and they all played together beautifully! I got to take my twins downstairs briefly, and everyone oohed and aahed over their cuteness.

Plus, V was downstairs bartending (I love my girl). Once the kids went to bed, which doesn't happen until about 10:15, I was free to join the party, and V was set free from behind the bar. We promptly drank a little more wine than we should've - though it wasn't our fault, since the twins' dad poured large glasses. We chatted with some people, snacked on dip and brownies and crackers, and I gave thanks that Lilly hadn't thrown up on my dress. (I did have the foresight to bring a backup outfit though, just in case!)

The lesson of the night: the way to be the popular girl at a party is to carry around an adorable two-year-old. (Though everyone seemed to be raving about me, too - wow!)

Grandma go home

This entry might be a little bit of a rant. Timothy and Tessa's grandmother has been in town for two weeks, and I'm ready for her to go home. She leaves in the morning (hallelujah). Honestly, I'm just more used to the kids. Yes, she has known them longer, but I see their day-in-day-out more. And I know how Fridays go.

It's the end of the week, and they're tired. I stay late so their parents can go out; we three go out to eat too usually. Tessa has at least one minor breakdown. The two can never agree on a restaurant quickly, and she gets frustrated and starts crying.

When this happened today, the grandmother (who was in the car with us, after Timothy's basketball practice) practically lost it and snapped at the kids that it was either O'Charley's (Timothy's choice) or home. Naturally, that aggravated Tessa even more.

I ended up suggesting we drive about twenty minutes away where most of the restaurants are, and the grandmother said to drop her at home because she didn't want to go that far. As soon as we did, the kids were fine, and we three had a blast at Friday's.

I wanted to snap at the woman for snapping at her grandkids. Yes, Tessa was upset, but seriously - is it the end of the world? How do I, at 22, manage to keep a calm voice and smooth things over easily, when she can't even handle one little meltdown? I'm so glad she won't be there next week. No more her looking over my shoulder or me feeling like I have to watch my every move, and no more messing with my kids!

Guess I have a protective streak. Hm.

How many kids do I watch?

I spent the morning with the twins, obviously, and as two-year-olds, one of the obvious gestures is holding arms up to be picked up. It's pretty standard practice with any toddler: "Do you want me to hold you?" followed by arms reaching up.

So explain to me, then, why (after a morning of doing that) I come home and walk over to my cat, sitting on a chair. She looks up at me, and I say, "Do you want me to hold you?"

And she stretches her paws up onto my chest.

And yes, I held her, for no less than nine minutes.

Where are mommy and daddy?

Lilly's been running around with a little purse on her arm for the past few minutes. I asked her where she was going in such a hurry.

"Work."

Cuteness and snow

Lately I feel like all my posts (the few that there have been) have just been snippets of kids, not any sort of reflections on anything. I should change that soon: it isn't that things aren't going on in my head, they just don't quite make it to computer. This will be no exception.

It's been flurrying all day today! It's so pretty, and the twins thought it was amazing. Lilly kept saying "no, no, no!" until I realized she was saying "snow." I bundled them up and took them out in the stroller, and they giggled and giggled at the snowflakes hitting their faces.

It was really good to have a happy day with them. It's my third in a row, and I may end up working tomorrow too. Definitely Friday, then Saturday night during their parents' Christmas party - though I can come downstairs after the party, and V will be there, bartending!

In other news, this is the first afternoon I've had off in awhile, and in an hour I did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, put together a desk, replied to a few emails, and ate lunch. Free time is amazing! Now for my puzzle.