Thursday, May 16, 2013

A good match

My dad stopped by the other day, as he was passing through on a longer trip. We had a thoroughly enjoyable evening, shopping for a graduation present for V, eating delicious barbecue, and having daddy-daughter time that I've missed.

He mentioned something about my brother and his wife thinking that they're ready to start trying for kids, and my response was that I always thought he, my brother, wanted to be the cool uncle rather than the dad. (Well, that was my audible response. My internal one had more to do with the fact that my sister-in-law annoys me, and they're both hyper-religious.)

After I said that, my dad commented that my brother has changed a lot since getting married (almost 3 years ago), and his wife was a really good match for him. I'd agree that my brother has changed, but I think most of the changes have been negative (see: hyper-religious).

That aside, it occurred to me that never, absolutely never, will my father tell me I made a good match, or that V is the perfect complement to me. Sure, he's not around us much, whereas he lives half an hour from my brother and sister-in-law, but still: anyone can see we are a good match, and he's known her for upwards of 5 years, technically.

But to admit that she's good for me is to admit that the fact that she's a girl doesn't matter. It's to admit he was wrong that girls are never good matches for girls. And if there's one thing my father never does, it's admit he was wrong.

Honestly, this doesn't even hurt all that much, and in many ways, that's the worst part. I've cried over my father plenty in the past few years; don't get me wrong, I'm glad to not be crying any more. But the feeling of resignation that I have now is almost worse. It's just a subtle reminder that I'll never be equal, even though I'll always be his princess.

He didn't even say anything about V and me. But that's just it. He never will.

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