Saturday, October 16, 2010

Identity (I need to nix one-word titles)

The tagline to this blog starts off, "Attempts of an early-twenties lesbian to hit snooze...," and I don't like it. I love the idea, but is all I am an "early-twenties lesbian"? I almost didn't state it like that, because it's taken me a long time to come to terms with the word "lesbian," and I'm still not sure I'm there. Besides, it comes with a whole host of stereotypes that, more often than not, I don't embody. (I even wrote an almost-poem about that. Those who know me know I won't admit to writing poetry.)

But simply putting "early-twenties girl" doesn't necessarily give enough information. A huge chunk of this blog is made of my thoughts on V's and my relationship and eventually child or children. If I don't give people a heads-up from the beginning, will they realize she's a girl? Would they still have read, if they knew? This is the part of me speaking that feels the need to keep hush about my relationship. I don't feel like I can or should put "lesbian" in the header, because it might offend people. Am I offensive?

So, I put it, originally, as my rebellion. This is my blog, and it isn't a space I should feel like I have to hide (there are enough of those). But now, I'm wondering if it's too limiting. If it announces, "I have a girlfriend! But now we can talk about other stuff." Is it necessary? Should I change it to girl?

These are the sorts of things that keep me up at night. Sad, I know--but this post has been in the works for a few weeks. Any suggestions?


  1. I don't think you need to feel confined by the term lesbian, and, hell no, you are not offensive. You are in a committed lesbian relationship, a very beautiful thing, & since you intend to remain in it permanently, you can feel free yourself a.lesbian! But you could also say a twenty-something woman discerning her sexual identity and if you choose to add who is in a fantastic relationship with another woman.

  2. If people are too thick to realize that there's more to you than the word "lesbian," then let them sort it out in their own sweet time.

  3. No, sweetie, you aren't offensive. Well, to some people you are, but they don't count. Hardly anyone can descibe themselves in just a few words, so you're not alone. I think that if you change "lesbian" to "girl" you're being even less descriptive. Perhaps "monogamist"? I like you being open about V and your dreams for your future. As you say in your tagline, this blog is about you trying to hit snooze on your desire for kids by borrowing other people's kids. You can't fulfill that goal without talking about your own desire for children.

  4. Thanks for chiming in, everyone. I knew I could count on you! I'm going to leave it. Glad that's cleared up.

  5. I have a friend who insists on the use of the word "queer", because she feels that describing herself accurately both confuses others and over-defines who she is (in her case, a polyamorous bisexual with a female primary partner—accurate, but most people's eyes glaze over and they go right to the judgment phase).

    Perhaps "The story of an early-twenty-something girl in love, who is trying to hit 'snooze' on her biological clock by watching over other people's kids"?