I've meant to post a follow-up to my previous post, but I keep putting it off. Once yucky feelings are behind me, I like to leave them there. What I realized, basically, is that I spent two days feeling incredibly welcomed: V's mom made sure, many times, that both our sister-in-law and I knew we were also welcome to take things from grandmother's house, and we were both consoled as "legitimate" family.
Then, coming home on that high, and finding out that no, I'm still technically not wanted. Not me specifically - the family does actually like me as a person. But as V's wife, not so much. And that smack in the face didn't feel good. I'm better now. I had my breakdown, my rant, and my sleep, and now life is going calmly enough. I figured you all ought to know.