Today was not my day. Nor was it Patrick's, or Lilly's.
He missed the first half of gymnastics class due to a tantrum and refusing to finish chewing his food.
Both of them were either giggling hysterically or throwing fits.
Although, at first this morning, Lilly discovered she could put her underwear on "like a backpack," and she did that, put her shoes on, and ran around squealing for about half an hour. Patrick threw on his shoes - and was otherwise totally naked - and joined her.
Anyway, I'm glad tomorrow is Friday. I have the kids both morning and evening, but evenings they usually cooperate. Tonight, V and I get to wrestle Kali and her sisters. Right now, I'm desperately craving a bag of dark chocolate m&ms.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Part 2 of ?
Just before Christmas break of junior year, V's boyfriend/lover/partner (I can't remember what term they settled on) came to visit. In addition to being polyamorous, he was also in open relationships: in his mind, any sexual interaction was not the primary glue holding a relationship together, and it was not limited to solely inside the relationship.
Long story slightly less long, he ended up being my first real kiss, though all three of us knew at the time that V was the one I really wanted to kiss. She was terrified, and it was never discussed (though apparently he made sure she was aware of it). At this point, I honestly felt like God had "released" me from my kissing vow, and I felt no guilt.
V and I would go for long drives at night, partly because I was a depressed, emotional wreck. We knew what it looked like - going out, far away from everyone, in the dark. We joked about how it seemed like we were in a relationship. We talked about delaying marriage (to hypothetical future boys) so we could go to grad school together. We acknowledged that girls could be attractive, not in a sexual way, just in an aesthetic one. We decided we were in a platonic relationship.
We were both curious about kissing girls. I had hardly kissed anyone, and just wanted more experience; she'd kissed boys and wanted to know how on earth it could be different. (So different as to send you to hell.) We knew we couldn't kiss each other, because we had an incredible friendship and didn't want to jinx it. But she knew I wanted to, and I knew it too, though I didn't know why or whether I should be ashamed or not. There was a great deal of wrestling with myself, my surroundings, and my beliefs - I wouldn't go back to that place for anything.
Long story slightly less long, he ended up being my first real kiss, though all three of us knew at the time that V was the one I really wanted to kiss. She was terrified, and it was never discussed (though apparently he made sure she was aware of it). At this point, I honestly felt like God had "released" me from my kissing vow, and I felt no guilt.
V and I would go for long drives at night, partly because I was a depressed, emotional wreck. We knew what it looked like - going out, far away from everyone, in the dark. We joked about how it seemed like we were in a relationship. We talked about delaying marriage (to hypothetical future boys) so we could go to grad school together. We acknowledged that girls could be attractive, not in a sexual way, just in an aesthetic one. We decided we were in a platonic relationship.
We were both curious about kissing girls. I had hardly kissed anyone, and just wanted more experience; she'd kissed boys and wanted to know how on earth it could be different. (So different as to send you to hell.) We knew we couldn't kiss each other, because we had an incredible friendship and didn't want to jinx it. But she knew I wanted to, and I knew it too, though I didn't know why or whether I should be ashamed or not. There was a great deal of wrestling with myself, my surroundings, and my beliefs - I wouldn't go back to that place for anything.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Part 1 of ?
It all began sophomore year of college. My roommate's good friend had just broken up with his girlfriend, V, and they (my roommate and her friend) thought that the newly-not-girlfriend and I would be good friends. Turns out we were. Are.
Anyway, ours was the second or third friendship in my life where I clicked immediately with someone. From the first time we hung out, we were inseparable. The first six months of our friendship was rough, due to some other situations, but we spent evenings curled up into one lawn chair on the roof of her dorm. (Note: this is just the first of many "and you didn't know?!" moments)
We were attending a conservative Christian school, which we'd both fit into during our first year or so, but we were simultaneously becoming disillusioned with the religion and the school. During the first half of junior year, V started dating an old high school friend who was attending college a few states away. He was a pastor's son turned atheist. He was living with a lesbian couple, among others. He was polyamorous, believing it was possible to love multiple people at once. He had a live-in girlfriend. He and V began dating.
During this time, I'd become incredibly emotionally close to her. I was always, always straight; there was never a question in my mind of being "other." Yet I felt myself drawn to her. It didn't help that, during freshman year, I'd promised God that I wouldn't kiss a boy until I knew he was going to propose to me. I wanted out of that deal. She seemed like a loophole.
Cliffhanger!
Anyway, ours was the second or third friendship in my life where I clicked immediately with someone. From the first time we hung out, we were inseparable. The first six months of our friendship was rough, due to some other situations, but we spent evenings curled up into one lawn chair on the roof of her dorm. (Note: this is just the first of many "and you didn't know?!" moments)
We were attending a conservative Christian school, which we'd both fit into during our first year or so, but we were simultaneously becoming disillusioned with the religion and the school. During the first half of junior year, V started dating an old high school friend who was attending college a few states away. He was a pastor's son turned atheist. He was living with a lesbian couple, among others. He was polyamorous, believing it was possible to love multiple people at once. He had a live-in girlfriend. He and V began dating.
During this time, I'd become incredibly emotionally close to her. I was always, always straight; there was never a question in my mind of being "other." Yet I felt myself drawn to her. It didn't help that, during freshman year, I'd promised God that I wouldn't kiss a boy until I knew he was going to propose to me. I wanted out of that deal. She seemed like a loophole.
Cliffhanger!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Poem
I have a weakness for all things French, and I just found one of my favorite poems written beautifully on Etsy. It was read, in English, in its entirety, at our wedding; it's one of V's favorite poems, and quickly became mine after that moment.
I don't have a full French translation, though I'm sure one is available. Just the first line.
I don't have a full French translation, though I'm sure one is available. Just the first line.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Story
A friend of mine recently asked me about V's and my story, intertwining the faith and orientation and love. I have plans in the near future to write it out, though I imagine it will be long; I'll try to post here in sections, too.
I am not important, and V is not important (except to me, of course), but our story - and so many similar stories - are vastly important. Stay tuned.
Update: Here is our story, as written out over the course of the month.
Part 1 of ?
Part 2 of ?
Part 3 of ?
Part 4 of ?
Part 5 of ?
Part 6 of 6
I am not important, and V is not important (except to me, of course), but our story - and so many similar stories - are vastly important. Stay tuned.
Update: Here is our story, as written out over the course of the month.
Part 1 of ?
Part 2 of ?
Part 3 of ?
Part 4 of ?
Part 5 of ?
Part 6 of 6
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Movie
Me: What color cup do you want, blue or yellow?
Bug, after much thought: Azul.
That kid watches too much Dora.
V and I have watched Bug and Andrew since just before their nap until now, when they are both in bed. We're still waiting for their parents to come home, but in the meantime, we have internet and are watching Rudolph and Red-Nosed Reindeer. Good childhood memories, and a nice relaxing evening.
I need this time. I need a moment to collect myself, and this movie - to be cliche - takes me back to a simpler time, when I wrote long Christmas lists in kindergarten script and curled up, mommy and me, on our old green couch.
Bug, after much thought: Azul.
That kid watches too much Dora.
V and I have watched Bug and Andrew since just before their nap until now, when they are both in bed. We're still waiting for their parents to come home, but in the meantime, we have internet and are watching Rudolph and Red-Nosed Reindeer. Good childhood memories, and a nice relaxing evening.
I need this time. I need a moment to collect myself, and this movie - to be cliche - takes me back to a simpler time, when I wrote long Christmas lists in kindergarten script and curled up, mommy and me, on our old green couch.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Home/settled
Home, we have. Settled, we will not be for awhile.
I watched the twins last night. I've started braiding Lilly's ponytail, and of course Patrick then wants a braid. I told him his hair was too short (as is mine, now, when he asked why I didn't have a braid), but he opted for a ponytail. It was adorable.
I already always have to have a bow for him when we go out anyway. His mom loves it; his dad is less fond.
Today was our first gymnastics class in three weeks (due to sickness and holidays), and I'm so in love with them having an independent class. It's phenomenal. I just got to sit there, watch, chat with other parents, and write a letter to a friend.
Yesterday, due to a small power-and-refrigerated-food emergency, Patrick and Lilly actually came with me to my old house, and we moved the food at the cats to the new place. I of course have a stash of kids books and puzzles, so they stayed and played for a good while. It was, also, adorable.
I feel like it's an auspicious start that we had kids in the house in the first day we occupied it. But maybe that's just because it's easily a big enough house for a nursery.
(Not now, says V. Not now.)
I watched the twins last night. I've started braiding Lilly's ponytail, and of course Patrick then wants a braid. I told him his hair was too short (as is mine, now, when he asked why I didn't have a braid), but he opted for a ponytail. It was adorable.
I already always have to have a bow for him when we go out anyway. His mom loves it; his dad is less fond.
Today was our first gymnastics class in three weeks (due to sickness and holidays), and I'm so in love with them having an independent class. It's phenomenal. I just got to sit there, watch, chat with other parents, and write a letter to a friend.
Yesterday, due to a small power-and-refrigerated-food emergency, Patrick and Lilly actually came with me to my old house, and we moved the food at the cats to the new place. I of course have a stash of kids books and puzzles, so they stayed and played for a good while. It was, also, adorable.
I feel like it's an auspicious start that we had kids in the house in the first day we occupied it. But maybe that's just because it's easily a big enough house for a nursery.
(Not now, says V. Not now.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)