This morning, V woke up me by bringing in pancakes, smoothies, and orange juice. And then she said, "Happy mother's day!" After asking her whether I got knocked up without knowing it, I dove into what was an absolutely delicious breakfast.
There are many, many hardworking mothers who deserve a breakfast in bed. We work for some of them (yes, you can have a nanny and still be a hardworking mom). I'm just a nanny - though I've written before about how I feel like a surrogate mother every day. But even more than that, V told me that she grew up with a slightly creepy religious tradition that honored all women on Mother's Day. Yes, it smacks of "you will grow up to bear lots of babies!"; it's also, though, a celebration of women in general. I think I can be included in that.
Plus, it's just been a rough week, and she wanted to pamper me. So, we think she's a keeper, right? And that she's going to make an incredible mommy/mama/choose term here?
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Ups and downs
This morning was fabulous. Patrick and Lilly and I went over to Essie's house, and those three spent two hours making a Mother's Day craft, playing, eating snack, and being adorable. Essie fell and split her lip as we were leaving, which was some drama, but nothing major.
Then it was rushing the kitty to the vet, running late, things went okay with her (she should be better soon); then I was off to Bug and Andrew's. V met me there, and we had a really good evening with them. Thank goodness, because I was about to mentally and physically collapse.
I did break down and have a good cry when we got home, about an hour ago. I think all the stresses are catching up. I also think I managed to let a good number of them go. And it's the weekend. I'm watching the twins tomorrow night, and we're going to try to make church on Sunday, but otherwise it's free time.
I'm sure there are cute anecdotes from today, but I can't think of them. Forgive me. I'll check back in when my brain is working again.
Then it was rushing the kitty to the vet, running late, things went okay with her (she should be better soon); then I was off to Bug and Andrew's. V met me there, and we had a really good evening with them. Thank goodness, because I was about to mentally and physically collapse.
I did break down and have a good cry when we got home, about an hour ago. I think all the stresses are catching up. I also think I managed to let a good number of them go. And it's the weekend. I'm watching the twins tomorrow night, and we're going to try to make church on Sunday, but otherwise it's free time.
I'm sure there are cute anecdotes from today, but I can't think of them. Forgive me. I'll check back in when my brain is working again.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Heavy
I need to post, but my heart is heavy. Quaint saying, isn't it? But it seems like the best way to describe how I currently feel. There are many stresses in life, and some things that shouldn't be stressors, I'm allowing to be. You'd think I'd know better.
One of our kitties is sick, or something. I haven't written about her yet, but it's been going on for awhile, and it's really starting to wear both of us down. She's lethargic, sneezy, and way too calm - and yes, we've taken her to the vet. We'll take her back as soon as we're able.
I really don't have too much to say. I'm looking forward to Saturday, to some me (or more like me and V) time; this has been one of those weeks where somehow I've given so much to my kids that I end up empty. It doesn't help that I've been semi sick. And I'm missing some friends terribly. And I know things will look up, but, sad for you all, I'm not waiting until they do to post.
One of our kitties is sick, or something. I haven't written about her yet, but it's been going on for awhile, and it's really starting to wear both of us down. She's lethargic, sneezy, and way too calm - and yes, we've taken her to the vet. We'll take her back as soon as we're able.
I really don't have too much to say. I'm looking forward to Saturday, to some me (or more like me and V) time; this has been one of those weeks where somehow I've given so much to my kids that I end up empty. It doesn't help that I've been semi sick. And I'm missing some friends terribly. And I know things will look up, but, sad for you all, I'm not waiting until they do to post.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Mine
Bug and I met V and Essie at the aquarium this morning, and all four of us had a blast. I particularly loved referring to them as "the girls," as in, "Will you keep an eye on the girls for a second?" It felt so...natural? Adorable? We were just running around looking at fish/sharks/penguins/jellyfish/turtles/etc with our kids. Best of all, I think it might become a Wednesday morning tradition - the playdates, not always the aquarium.
It emphasized a frustration I've been having lately, though. Nannying usually fills my kid quota, and while I want one, I at least get to spend time with some. The past week has been different. Each time I'm with a kid who's not mine, or who's only mine in that I've borrowed him or her for a bit, it rubs me the wrong way. It's so close to being right without being right. It's the fact that I have to take them home, that I have to leave the house, that I never would've given him that haircut, that I wouldn't make her eat all that, that I don't get to make the endless decisions and share the endless moments of a parent.
I know I've talked about this before. And I know we aren't ready. I was thinking earlier about how we want to go to a local amusement park this summer, and it crossed my mind to be grateful that we didn't have a baby, so we could go on rides together. That's just the little stuff. But at the same time, I'm so ready. I'm ready to be invested in the kid(s) I'm with. To be fully present, fully involved. I know this counts, and I know I'm involved in the kids' lives. But there's still part of me that wants the real deal. As if this isn't real. But...it's not. In a way, I'm still just playing Mommy. I've been doing that since I was four. When can I grow up?
It emphasized a frustration I've been having lately, though. Nannying usually fills my kid quota, and while I want one, I at least get to spend time with some. The past week has been different. Each time I'm with a kid who's not mine, or who's only mine in that I've borrowed him or her for a bit, it rubs me the wrong way. It's so close to being right without being right. It's the fact that I have to take them home, that I have to leave the house, that I never would've given him that haircut, that I wouldn't make her eat all that, that I don't get to make the endless decisions and share the endless moments of a parent.
I know I've talked about this before. And I know we aren't ready. I was thinking earlier about how we want to go to a local amusement park this summer, and it crossed my mind to be grateful that we didn't have a baby, so we could go on rides together. That's just the little stuff. But at the same time, I'm so ready. I'm ready to be invested in the kid(s) I'm with. To be fully present, fully involved. I know this counts, and I know I'm involved in the kids' lives. But there's still part of me that wants the real deal. As if this isn't real. But...it's not. In a way, I'm still just playing Mommy. I've been doing that since I was four. When can I grow up?
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Tunnel
It's raining and cold, for the millionth day in a row, and I'm not feeling well. I'm still fighting some sort of cold/sore throat/ear pressure/headache thing that I picked up from V, and it's just not a great day to entertain toddlers.
Good thing I have something else to do that for me. Sometime last year, V and I found a big pop-up play tunnel at the thrift store for $3. It's probably close to two feet in diameter, has little mesh "windows", and our cats fell in love. They stopped using the carpet next to where we put it up in the living room, and instead ran through the tunnel to get from the hall to the kitchen. When we tried to put it away, they threw a kitty-fit (is that the real meaning of a hissy-fit?).
About a month ago, we actually managed to take the tunnel down, thanks to some new toy bribes. I'm very glad to have my living room back. This morning, I grabbed the tunnel on my way to the twins', figuring I could let them have fun with it; I'm pretty sure they've never encountered a tunnel before.
Boy did this ever work. They crawl in and "lie down take nap!"; they carry their blankies and toys through it; they spent the first fifteen minutes just taking turns crawling through it. It's been over half an hour, and I've only had to intervene once. Watching them is just priceless. I'm pretty sure I'll be bringing this back. (Though I still do want the rain to go away.)
Good thing I have something else to do that for me. Sometime last year, V and I found a big pop-up play tunnel at the thrift store for $3. It's probably close to two feet in diameter, has little mesh "windows", and our cats fell in love. They stopped using the carpet next to where we put it up in the living room, and instead ran through the tunnel to get from the hall to the kitchen. When we tried to put it away, they threw a kitty-fit (is that the real meaning of a hissy-fit?).
About a month ago, we actually managed to take the tunnel down, thanks to some new toy bribes. I'm very glad to have my living room back. This morning, I grabbed the tunnel on my way to the twins', figuring I could let them have fun with it; I'm pretty sure they've never encountered a tunnel before.
Boy did this ever work. They crawl in and "lie down take nap!"; they carry their blankies and toys through it; they spent the first fifteen minutes just taking turns crawling through it. It's been over half an hour, and I've only had to intervene once. Watching them is just priceless. I'm pretty sure I'll be bringing this back. (Though I still do want the rain to go away.)
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Reading material
Speaking of sharing stories, V just got out of the shower and exploded onto her laptop. Not literally, of course. But her thoughts are fascinating, and somewhat mirror mine. For those who haven't experienced it firsthand: growing up Pentecostal and then marrying a woman does very, very interesting things to one's psyche.
Go read her post Gay vs. God, and let me (or her!) know what you think. I love discussions, and this is something that desperately needs to be talked about more. Trying to integrate the spiritual and the sexual can be a nightmare. When we first decided we were together, I threw God out the window; I figured there was no way he could stick around now. V was in a similar place, so hearing her current thoughts definitely shows how much the past two years have changed us. Without doubt, for the better.
Go read her post Gay vs. God, and let me (or her!) know what you think. I love discussions, and this is something that desperately needs to be talked about more. Trying to integrate the spiritual and the sexual can be a nightmare. When we first decided we were together, I threw God out the window; I figured there was no way he could stick around now. V was in a similar place, so hearing her current thoughts definitely shows how much the past two years have changed us. Without doubt, for the better.
Sharing stories
In doing some reading around the internet (which is basically what I've spent my evenings doing), I've come across quite a few neat blogs. One I quoted the other day, and have since read all the archives; others, I've read through and am fascinated by their journeys. Most of them are related to two mamas conceiving/being pregnant/raising their kids, and I love seeing where V and I will hopefully be in a few years.
That said, please notice the dramatic unveiling of my blogroll. I feel like a grown-up blogger now. In addition to the various mommy-related blogs, I also have V's, though she almost never updates (shame on her), and one of my college professor's. I'm sure I'll come across more to add, but it's a humble start.
That said, please notice the dramatic unveiling of my blogroll. I feel like a grown-up blogger now. In addition to the various mommy-related blogs, I also have V's, though she almost never updates (shame on her), and one of my college professor's. I'm sure I'll come across more to add, but it's a humble start.
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