Falling short

I almost ended yesterday's post with a disclaimer of how that article sounds like what I would want to be, but it should go without saying that it's not how I am. Even though I didn't put the disclaimed, I really didn't need it proven to me.

I try to be good. I do. I have read that article a few times, and (as you'll see in coming posts) it's changed a lot of how I interact with kids, especially the twins. But on days when I really just don't feel like going to see them (today), it's hard. And sometimes I lose it.

"Losing it," in this case, means grabbing Lilly, snapping at her, and plopping her into a corner for timeout, then walking away. It doesn't matter that she'd taken a toy out of her brother's hand for the third time in a row, or smacked him in the face when he took it back. There are always better ways. Sometimes I can do them.

Sometimes I can't. But I try. And, little by little, I think I'm improving. It's the moments - not ten minutes after the timeout incident - when I want to just grab their poppers and put them away, so we can speed up the lunch process, but I breathe, and wait for them to do it, and smile, and hug them after.

I'm learning.