Thursday, May 31, 2012


Family is a complicated word, to me. Depending on what I'm saying, it can be my mom and stepdad and I, or the three of us plus their four kids, or the kids and them. It can also be my dad and stepmom. Or them plus my three brothers. And two sisters-in-law. And two nephews and a niece. It could be V's parents, brother, and sister-in-law. It could be V and I with our kitties. It could even be Patrick and Lilly's family.

Usually, which definition I mean depends on whom I'm talking to. I expect them to figure it out. Even so, I frequently find myself clarifying - "We went to visit my family last weekend, I mean, my dad and stepmom, and we saw my brothers..." It is, to say the least, obnoxious.

My parents separated when I was two; the only idea of family that I remember is this disjointed, non-overlapping one. When I was younger, I swore I would never get divorced. I didn't want my kid to have to deal with shuttling between houses, or overhearing arguments, or feeling like she was the only reason her parents couldn't just move on with their separate lives. On top of that idea, I wanted my child to have a "normal" family.

Granted, two moms wasn't exactly what I was planning. Any semblance of normal is pretty much out the window. But right now, more than anything, I want our baby to be able to say "this is my family," and have it mean us. Always. No explaining, no clarifying, no shifting definition.

I want to provide a family. I want to raise a child, or more, in a family. It won't be the family of my younger imaginings, but it will have what I so desperately wanted: stability and security. It's been mentioned before that LGBT parents are so dedicated because they have to work so hard to have kids. It's true. I was a complete accident; my mother supposedly cried on her bed with the pregnancy test. Sure, she fell in love with me at birth (she hastily added), but it doesn't change the beginning.

Our child will be yearned for, beloved, and welcomed into our family with tears of joy.

This post is part of the 7th annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day. To read everyone else's thoughts, visit Mombian.


  1. I've heard people say that, while they don't think same-sex marriage is a sin, they believe the "ideal" is a man and a woman. Well, my "ideal" is two people who will love, honor, and cherish each other until death parts them. That's what I want for myself and my future children, and what I wish for every family, regardless of the parents' combination of genders.

  2. Families are what we make of them. Starting with that much love will make a great beginning for your little one(s).

  3. Thanks so much for participating in Blogging for LGBT Families Day! I'm sure you'll have a great family!