Wednesday, August 17, 2011

On high

Every so often, V and I have conversations about God/religion/faith.  We were both raised, well, let's just say our mothers are Michele Bachmann fans.  One of the biggest revelations of my recent life is that I was brought up in a manner and with beliefs that the majority of the country considers downright weird.  That'll put things into perspective.

One of those conversations is happening now.  (Does this count as live-blogging?  It's boring, if so.)  I can branch out from the Pentecostalism of my youth.  But in branching out, I'm suddenly faced with not only the God/Gods of Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, etc, but also the God of the Episcopalians, the Lutherans, the Presbyterians...and those can seem just as foreign.

Who is right?  Is everyone?  Is anyone?  If so, what about the atheists - are they then "wrong"?  How much does it matter, and what even is "it"?

And then I end up trying to figure out if some sort of god-figure has been so ingrained in me that it's impossible for me to ever be atheistic or even agnostic.  And I have so many more questions than answers.

I've been much more anti-god lately.  We snuck out of church, the one time we've made it in the past month, because I was just ready to go.  A prayer at a friend's wedding bugged me by its very existence.  Singing "Jesus Loves Me" to Bug, her goodnight ritual, grates.  But I'm not actually anti-god...I don't think.  I don't know.  That's the moral of this post: I just don't know.

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