My mind is a bit blown right now, after reading about how two lesbian mamas share breastfeeding duties. That is one of the areas which V has admitted to jealousy when we talk about our eventual baby. I very much want to nurse, hopefully to about a year (though we'll see), and she's mentioned before that my connection to the baby via boob in addition to biology might make her feel understandably left out.
I'll definitely have to do more research into this lactation-induction, but it might be a way to simplify some of the strains that a baby might bring. Of course, I'm still worried about me: Harlyn Aisley's essay collection, Confessions of the Other Mother, talks about her feelings of going through labor and then wanting to smack her partner, who picked up the newborn and said something along the lines of "I'm your mother!"
I worry I'll be that person, that partner, that mother. I want a baby so badly that I worry I'll be possessive, that I would even if her other parent were male. I want V to be happy - it will be her baby, too. But will her breastfeeding, if it works, make that feeling even worse? Not that that is a legitimate reason not to pursue it.
I'm thinking out loud, while she's reading tax info to me. I know I'm not the most coherent; my brain isn't overly coherent about it, either. But I'm still in the mind-blown stage that we could even conceive (pun intended) of both nursing our baby. And hey, less middle of the night work for me!
This is crazy! Good luck with your future!
ReplyDeleteI know, right! How crazy a concept is that! I loved the idea and how well it was expressed. I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm sure you and V will work it out though. Remember how you love to see her take care of YOUR kids? I bet you'll feel the same way when it's your baby.
ReplyDeleteYou know, being an aspiring lactation consultant, I already knew about lactation induction, and usually it is in reference to a woman who wants to nurse an adopted baby. I never actually thought about the fact that a lesbian couple could share nursing duties this way. That is pretty clever.
ReplyDeleteI can't say how you will feel, and you won't know until you are in the situation, but I think your worries are valid. Postpartum hormones can make a woman feel and act pretty strangely. I can't say I was every truly jealous of Jon when he was caring for Penny as an infant, but I can say I was (and still am to an extent) definitely a mama bear who would do anything to protect my baby. Sometimes that protection was actually unwarranted, and sometimes directed at my partner if I thought he was doing something "the wrong way." Whether it was rational, or not (and a lot of times it probably wasn't).
The bond between a (biological) mother and baby is so strong and bound by so many chemicals and instincts, that it is hard to get around some of the inevitable issues that will arise with a partner, but I'm sure you ladies will work it out when the time comes. V will just have to be very understanding about what you will be going thru bioligically, as you will have to be understanding about how hard it will be for her to deal with the issues that come along with being the non-bio parent. It's hard on both sides of the fence.