I've been avoiding this question for a long time, but I finally have to ask it.
Why do I want a baby so badly?
I'm scared that it's the same feeling I remember hearing about when I was younger and a single friend got pregnant: "she wants something to be dependent on her so she feels worthwhile." Or maybe it's "she has no life, but a baby will certainly keep her busy."
I feel like both of those are true. Not completely, but they're a little bit there. They scare me.
There are other reasons, right? I think V and I would be incredible parents. I want to show off the world to our baby. I want to pour love into that baby.
Is that enough? How tainted is my longing with the sense of worth and busy-ness?
Lesbian couples don't accidentally have kids. It's a very planned event. And all that planning, even though we haven't begun it, makes me question everything a thousand times over. I feel like I need a "real" answer to the question why, and I'm not sure I have one. Guess it's a good thing we aren't trying to conceive yet, then.